Without A Parachute

My state of affairs have never felt like this
Something’s wrong
I’m sensitive
I feel your pain
Your heart
Your soul
Your joy
Your love
Your happiness

I cry your tears

But now I’ve changed
I’m all dried up
I can’t cry anymore

I’m tapped out or zoned in
In to me
Seriously

Life is about me
It has to be

Threw my pearls before too many swine
My cousin died and I can’t even cry
I’ve never felt like this before
He’d be so concerned Say, “What’s wrong”

Why’d he have to go when my well was Dry
I’m all cried out
Tired of crying

Sick and tired
Sick and tired
Sick and tired
Sick and tired

Everybody’s on hold
Black cobras shedding skin and revealing faces
Hiss Hissssssssssssssssss
Tried to take hold of me but couldn’t cling
Cause I can’t feel

You see, my state of affairs didn’t happen overnight
I AM sick and tired of being sick and tired
But this is when I jump without a parachute

Vivian Dixon Sober
September 8, 2017

 

3 thoughts on “Without A Parachute

  1. Jumping out of a plane is not on my Bucket List, but here it goes..I saw this movie where this man left his wife and son. He took lessons jumping out of a plane with a Parachute. I didn’t understand the movie until the end (I’m slow). I guess the man wanted to be free of life’s challenges. No one to answer to, or telling him what to do. Late at night he would go see his wife when he knew she was in a deep sleep. Well, I couldn’t figure that part out, cause he was touching her and she thought he was there, then he wasn’t. Anyway, she was in a messed up state of mind trying to hold on to the memory of her husband. What I learned from that movie was, we really don’t know what is in the other’s person mind and they can become a person you never knew, but heck, that was a movie. I sick and tired also. This world SuCks! To the fullest. We have nothing going for ourselves, but ourselves. We take pills just to get through the damn day and hope they don’t mess up our Liver. Pain, Love, Joy, Happiness is what I haven’t felt in a long time.. All together that is. (Having a baby). I didn’t know whether to cry, laugh, be happy, or just be joyful that the child came out without any defects. (The latter is what I had hoped for). I use to have dreams of falling. I was scared out of my mind. What did those dreams mean..Falling, falling, falling. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of falling. Yeah.. I still cry. I try not to because I don’t want to show any weaknesses. No my heart is not made of stone. Crying to me produces headaches. For some it releases feelings..Eh, what the heck! I’m sorry that you are feeling this way maybe in the future we can take a train ride instead. Sorry for you loss.

    1. People often make changes when they get “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” It’s not enough to be tired of something. Some folks need to be ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired.’

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