Mama, the song by Boyz II Men, is the national anthem from a child to his
or her mom. Though moms can only be moms, we teach our boys and daughters our best—the best we know at the time.
My Mom, a widow, received gifts from us on mother’s and father’s day. She was all we had, and, not knowing any better Chanel Nº5 received toilet water twice a year. She hid it in her closet (I would be the one to find the stacks).
We’re a family of girls. No brothers. No uncles nearby to talk to us about anything, and there were no males running around our house—uncles—????.
Who Has The Parent Rule Book?
I’ve raised children. It is only now that I understand I could not teach a boy to be a man, but I thought I was.
Rule one: Men work.
He started his employment history early. This way, he’d know what type of work he wanted to do. Sitting around on women was not an option.
Rule two: No womanizing. I was teaching him how to be a good husband. Don’t go around breaking women’s hearts just because you can. It will come back to bite you. Be a man. If you’re interested, don’t play mind games? That’s not being a man. It’s being a boyman—grown body—boy mind.
Rule three: I’m Black. Give a sister a chance. If you don’t want her, let it be because you don’t like her—not because you despise her race—don’t slap my face. Don’t hate yourself.
It was important that he be a man. Work hard and contribute honor to society—be honest, kind, and loving, but at the same time, any child of mine is not allowed to let people walk over them. Stand up for what you believe. At this point, your life is yours.
I wasn’t a perfect mother. Who is? We all want to fix something that our parents didn’t do right.
When I listen to Mama, I cry. I raised a daughter by myself and with God’s help. We can’t forget God’s help. When she married, I didn’t get a dance or an honorable mention. All I really wanted was a mother daughter dance. I couldn’t walk her down the aisle in the house of God. It’s untraditional. I accept that. She chose the venue. I watched her absent father and her stepdad (she was already raised when I remarried) walk her down the aisle.
A beautiful scene to many. When the venue is the house of God, I GET it, but at the reception, I stood in the back and watched her honor two men who didn’t raise her. All I wanted was a dance. Dance with me daughter. Remember Me?
I danced by myself dangling a rose in the air—a rose. Swirling it with happy heart. I danced. In my red dress, I danced. I heard someone ask: “What’s she doing?” Daughter response, ‘She’s dancing.’
No two step for me. I partied because I earned that dance through my blood, sweat, and tears. I earned that dance. I raised her from infancy and instilled values into her. Her contribution to society will be great if she wants it to be. I didn’t put me first. She has skills, ability, and dignity.
Being a mother is the hardest position I’ve ever held but lowly esteemed by society because it’s not a dream job—a career. How much does mama get paid? Some kids get it. Some don’t. But a good mother is there. If she wasn’t, she may be respected like the Disneyland parent. We all know about them. They don’t give a care. They didn’t raise you with blood, sweat, and tears. Get up in the night with you. Take you to school, help you with your homework and feed you. They don’t have an attachment to you. All the work is done when they show up with fun—a trip to Disneyland, and that’s if they show up. Let’s not forget the telephone calls. “Hi baby.” Most Disney parents buy love and, too often, it’s accepted. They’re the better parent. If you notice, the kids can’t say anything about them. Cause they weren’t there.
Mamas kiss yourselves and thank God for helping you raise your children See, some kids who have their parents only remember negativity, but you can only remember the person who was there. “Hi baby,” failed. If they were there, their children may be complete—know how to be what the missing parent failed to teach. And that’s a maybe. Some children raised in a two parent household are often raised by one parent—the one who shows up.
I earned that dance, and so I dance and thank Boyz II men for the anthem of respect to mama. It’s a beautiful song. Think about it. What would you be without your mama or the person who raised you? Mama, what if your kids are not what you taught them to be. What if they’re living a life contrary? That’s a reflection of them. Let ’em be. You can’t do anything more.
Think about it again. Mama! Get Your Life if you raised your kids. Get you some Chanel Nº5 or whatever it is that makes you happy. Get Your Life.